There has been a lot of negative press about Kim Kardashian and her move to file for divorce, most of which speculates on whether her marriage was a publicity stunt or money-making sham. Let’s imagine for a moment that Kim’s marriage to Kris Humphries was the real deal. There are a couple great lessons we can all learn from Kim’s situation should you or someone you know – knock on wood – be at a marital crossroads.
Take a page straight from Kim Kardashian’s book or, in this case, her personal blog. She defended herself and wrote, “first and foremost, I married for love. I would not have spent so much time on something just for a TV show!” There are so many less-than-ideal reasons to tie the knot. Kim’s undoing: she got “caught up with the hoopla and the filming of the TV show that when I probably should have ended my relationship, I didn’t know how to and didn’t want to disappoint a lot of people.” This situation doesn’t sound entirely unfamiliar. How many of us have struggled with breaking-up with someone, even though we knew it was the right thing to do, because we had planned a trip and booked everything already? It’s probably exponentially harder to break it off with someone when a wedding has been planned and paid for.
If someone you know is having doubts or you are sincerely convinced that the marriage is doomed, you can help by talking to that person. Joanna Dreifus, founder of BridesmaidAid.com, says “[You] should speak up. It is much easier to call off a wedding than a marriage.” Relationship expert Deborah Moskovitch’s advice echo’s Kim’s issue, “it is all too easy to get caught up in the hoopla of planning a wedding, and forgetting to consider what this union really means long term. I would have a heart-to-heart discussion with the bride and encourage a thoughtful and introspective discussion about the issues that are truly plaguing her, in order to get to the root of her fears. If those fears are realistic, and have never been discussed with her fiancé, then I would urge her to have a frank discussion with her groom before the wedding.”
In the age of social media, just about everyone has been guilty of over sharing at sometime or another. Perhaps in an effort to address this issue, Kim unfollowed Kris Humphries on Twitter – just two days after filing for divorce. A particularly important time to rethink your Tweets and filter which photos you upload to Facebook is when your relationship is on the rocks. In the case of divorce, lawyers at Cordell & Cordell warn their clients because they “find it’s usually the seemingly innocuous posts that cause big problems in divorce cases. People will post pictures to show their friends their new set of golf clubs…or how much they’re enjoying the Jamaican resort’s all-inclusive daiquiris. But they don’t realize how those pictures can come back to haunt them when they claim they can’t possibly afford to pay a certain level of child support or alimony.” Cordell & Cordell say the best thing to do it stay off social media sites altogether, but if you can’t bear being disconnected, always ask yourself “how would this sound in court?”
Lastly, people have taken a lot of interest in what Kim will do with the wedding gifts. According to Elizabeth Post, author of Emily Post’s Etiquette 18th Edition, “the gifts should be returned to the givers if the wedding is dissolved within a short time frame like hers was.” Unless the gifts were “used or if they’ve been monogrammed or personalized in some way,” they should be sent back with a note. Donating the gifts to charity, though a nice gesture, is also not appropriate because “the guest bought them that gift thinking it would be used in the marriage,” and “you don’t know how that person feels about the charity either.”
These are just a few takeaways from the Kardashian – Humphries split. And since we can’t count on them for our fix of fairy tale romance anymore, let’s turn our attention to our fav scary-tale romance: Twilight’s Edward and Bella! Don’t let us down guys!